Im sure that your ideas will help many people. One thing I know is that until it hurts them more to be the way they are then to change, nothing, I mean nothing will change them. When he gets mad about you making the police report you need to be ready to say calmly that he did thousands of dollars damage to your car and so of course you needed to report it to make an insurance claim. Its so hard to accept that it was no more than a performance. The world is a much better place when people like that do the only thing that is notable in their life which is for them to kill themselves and do the rest of us a favor. Ive become a new strong women and he has become a new man. He has broken up with me in the past when I denied his marriage request (didnt get what he wanted and didnt need me anymore), he appears to take me for granted now with money, and has this idea of our perfect future. Kim, I look forward to buying your books and learning more. Is it OK though that I gave him time to make a decision and set a time for him to tell me? These people arent logical. Right this second I am so angry more angry probobly than ever in my life at him over what appears to be infidelity and porn and him always blaming others for what he does wrong.. How much can a person swallow and stroke anothers ego before it is just too much! Damned if I do, damned if I dont. But in my house they are the constant fare. so weve come to a better situation, but there is still alot to do. I told him that I would, because of your advise, & I was so scared to follow through, but I did. Steve agreed to put software on his computer so that I could see all that he was up to and maybe you can ask if he will offer to do that too? He is about to deploy and so we do need to discuss and make decisions on how we are going to handle things while he is gone but he wont make a decision and wants to fight instead so he can avoid the subject everytime. It broke my heart. I have a beautiful six month old son to a man I love and care for who suffers from NPD. I really think that Kim & Steves ebooks Back From The Looking Glass and The Love Safety Net Workbooks would benefit you, even with the separation. Perhaps it is my personality, or my relationship with God, but I still believe everyone deserves love, and can finally see this man as woundedI do love him still with all my heart, and want to help without losing my soul in the process. Do NOT get into and argument and DO NOT take these steps without reading all the steps you need in our book Back From the Looking Glass. Have we had good times? I actually separated from him once for a few months prior to the breakup for the same reasons constant verbal abuse and emotional manipulation Prince charming until any type of insecurity would arise. They project those feelings on to others and are not capable of empathy. I think it is wise that you talk to him but also be prepared. How Do You Hold A Narcissist Accountable? Im wondering if youve looked at all angles? He also sexually assaulted our 4 year old one night during a drunken binge and was arrested but got off on a technicality even though CPS said there was no doubt it happened and all of us are in counseling due to the additional verbal and psychological abuse. He confuses the hell out of me! Kevin, the reason people can go on with their lives hurting others is because most people let them. It is the unhealthy part of their thinking. My first calls to the police did not go well either until a policeman I met taught me about how to deal with the police if you want them on side. Being in a wheelchair and having other health problems and for the most part being alone and often too ill to go places I want, or not having the funds to attend places Im interested in leaves me very isolated. I dont understand why someone that doesnt have that connection stays, there are other fish in the sea you can find love you can find someone who is healthy and please dont bring your children into a narcissist relationship that is so selffish and unfair to them it hurts my whole soul to think about it. Narcissists move on to distract themselves, prey on a new source of attention, or punish you. Your husband sounds EXACTLY like mine was. Narcissists may easily cross boundaries. I told him dozens of times I would not put with him spending so much time with her and talking to her on the phone every day, and he says theres something wrong with me that I dont accept their friendship. He confides a lot of intimate things to her first before telling me its the whole emotional infidelity thing. All the idiots get tossed out quick, and NO i dont care about their opinion, and all the good solid people started coming into my life. Narcissists view themselves with a "higher than thou" attitude, where they believe they are more special and deserving of things than others. My heart breaks wide-open again because I am not sure what he is trying! to lie to me, break your promises and treat me badly for asking you to keep your promise. It is natural for narcissistic people to care for the things that they consider worthy, particularly when given a platform to do so. Thank you Kim, reading your stuff has helped me so much to become a stronger person. Saying he never wanted it to begin with! Everyday is a challenge. Hold yourself accountable. His response is that he does not need to tell us whether or not he has moved on, while hurting the ones that love him because not care that he who calls us his family, is feeling this change in him, and yet he refuses to explain. I do not feel the passion/excitement I did when he was abusing me and I was hoping he loved me after all.. and would eventually wake up..and see the error of his hatefulness. We are only committed to a few people as a couple. . He drew me back in, and then I found out at the same time he was softening me up and I was letting down my guard he was seeing and sleeping with an ex-girlfriend! One clear warning of what will result if their behaviour continues and then action. Hi While i think you mean well and im sure there are many you have helped. You may also look for help from organisations that help the families of problem gamblers in your area. He has been paying for his share of the utilities so that I give him credit for but everything else is pretty much up to me. Narcissists need to be the center of attention at all times. Dealing with a narcissist is dealing with a bully. I suggest, with respect, you get out of the way and let them learn their lessons. He has used me for money and to bail him out of problems continuesly and it took me a long time to realize it. Stop letting them slide with their bad behavior. 4. Whatever you do you need to make sure you are safe. Well, we choose USA because of the lesser age discrimination at the work place we are both over 50. Ive walked on eggshells for years and hes totally screwed my head ! So conclusion I dont think its wise to ask them would they feel more comfortable getting help from somebody else to help with the situation as they see this as a threat and if they are truly narcissistic they dont think they need help with anything. I have a husband with Borderline Personailty Disorder & he is very narcissist. 4 Bore them with the "gray rock" treatment. I think the main thing is to BELIEVE and KNOW that you are not to blame for his bad moods and temper, whatever he says. Your indifference is their kryptonite. View complete answer on wikihow.com Setting boundaries is one thing but if he is not attached to you yet it probably wont work. DA, the first step to heal yourself is quickly find people who love you and will affirm you. Creating Word Salad Conflicts. Thats something Ive learned to be so difficult with my husband (we are both men). Says I am a know it all and have too many opinions.He does revenge for things I didnt try to do. He also said we dont have kids, theres no reason to stay together. 2. Jackie, you hit it so head on. Where are you now? Thoughts anyone? My avenue of communicating with him from closeness instead of opposition was shut down. The only thing thats good about these types, is getting rid of them, knowing throughout their life, everyone else will dispise them too, sooner or later. Its not a break up. I have had yet another bereavement recently (my mother) i have had 3 in just under 3 years and have found it very difficult to flatline ie show no emotion ever in his precense. Im tired of it and have told him that this isnt working for mehes too irritated and frustrated with me so much of the time, and Im burnt out on the tension and the fighting. He was able to respect them for several weeksthen quickly deteriorated to the same behaviors, but worse. We still have a ways to to but I just cant believe how different things are with us now. I texted him saying I wanted to thank him for the wonderful time I had but being rushed out of the house was not acceptable. Surely anyone married to a person with a mental health condition or personality disorder and who is at risk of being emotionally, psychologically or physically harmed is entitled to a dissolution of their marriage. He is like a King on a throne with many wives. I know a side of him that he can not hide from me, however the ugly side wins more often these days and so I reach for a new life with less turmoil and frustration. (1)He slammed my iPhone on to the ground (because I refused to give him my car keys) he was not sorry, he blamed meI made him do it. 23.9K subscribers Subscribe 10 Share 80 views 1. This is an interesting topic. It has been a while since i wrote last. But with your advice in my mind, I already managed to stop discussions without threatening to leave him. And we are the ones that love them most of all! When asked you about it, You said you did that because you wanted her to move back so you could be closer to your kids. Sep 3 Your email address will not be published. I am all ears for any suggestions, because right now its hard to sayits o.k. I agree with all of this content. Thats how they have consequences. Are you and Steve doing the Radio Talk Shows anymore? He has his own rules that no one else knows about. Yet he is exhausted because of them. I tried so hard and have read all your ebooks but nothing worked until i have just said enough is enough. I know there is a grieving process. I will do both. I am thinking I want to ask him tonite if he has decided and if he starts all over to bypass and avoid answering, to tell him that its ok but that I have to make decisions and that I think it is better that we keep our finances completely seperate from now on and that he find his own place to live when he comes back home. After love-bombing you with future faking and a false . It amazes me at how his brain works and like to think of it as a mass of short circuited wires that just dont connect to each other. He is unstable and is alsi a habitual liar. . Its going to cost him a whole lot more when he moves out and has to pay someone to live somewhere else. He puts on quite a show at times. You cannot control his family if he is assualting you you need help from the police and Back From the Looking Glass will help you with that step by step. I just wonder what percentage of the male population is like this? All I can say is that if you care enough for the person dont give up and just make it part of life. Im tired of trying to fix this marriage. Because of this its probably best to not even try! I am very close to the point where I may sit him down and explain a few things about Daddy to him, that will help him learn to cope with his fathers behavior, and to help him see that it is not about HIMits Daddys problem. Eventually he began to say that he couldnt say one word with there being an issue. I so tried to help and get help for this man as I have empathy for him because I know he is very unhappy also, but I can do no more for him.
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