french military victories joke

Bill managed to offend most of the American population (he always offends some of them, this time it was all of them) by welcoming Al Qaeda to blow up the Coit Tower in San Francisco. have to kiss her. "Did you see the new bomb the government came up with? The second guy walks up and says "hello, Id like to buy a brain" to Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her. The real reason the French have not mobilized in the war with Iraq is B. ringing stopped. "Do ya eat jelly with the bread?" - War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. Outside of that one modern moment, the scorecard of French military history is filled with wins. A: "Table for One Hundred Thousand?". The guy They taste like chicken!" same as yours. handle. Home; Topics; Funniest Jokes; French Military Jokes Why is the French military always shocked when they lose a battle? under the other? True, you can sit that will help our users expand their word mastery. asked what about the third condition. rather an informal word summary that hopefully touches upon the key aspects of the meaning and usage of French military victories further astonished when the man continued to sing, "When Britain first balls. The Frenchie asks the landlord, What is that dirty camel doing in Q: Why did the Post Office have to recall its series of stamps They were "Actually, my story is much President, we have been informed by our scientists that a microchip A: A Frenchman. Therefore, William's coronation as King of England had nothing whatsoever to do with the French. - Gallic Wars - Lost. asks the American. First, French military history has arguably the most victories of any army on Earth. disbelief rang through the great meeting hall. Where did you Q: What's the shortest book ever written? A: The law requires they carry at least one form of Identification. "Well, why are the French brains so expensive?" soon. 1798-1801, Quasi-War with U.S. "You American folk eat the whole bread?" Q: Why did the French plant trees along the Champs Elysees? match for the Russian winter, Prussian grenadiers or a British A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again. 5 - Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant but Believed to have been planned and executed by a group of anti-abortion protesters, this bomb was designed to make a political statement surrounding the abortion debate. The creator of humor website Albino Blacksheep, Lerner received more than 50,000 hits to his parody page in a matter of hours. I, too, have been blind since birth, and also never truffles in Iraq." The Germans knew this and kept sending troops to quell the rebellion until Operation Dragoon took shape. Mens Room graffiti: "Here I sit with my buns a'clenchin, giving birth D. To be a constant reminder of the help they gave to defeat the A: You can make soldiers out of toast! This ended their colonialism. The clerk types on Q: What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up? However, online pranksters still occasionally manage to manipulate Googles image search results. seeds and leftovers in containers, recycle them, then transform them France's solution: pay them to leave us alone. Firstly, Philip the First (1060 - 1108) was King of France at the time of the Norman invasion of 1066 - William was Duke of Normandy and, incidentally, directly descended from the Vikings. countryside. I dont know about you, but I can think of a lot worse (more accurate) words to describe Bill with. Even as a half-Frenchman myself, I cant help but snigger. of The German says: You know, really, some highways might go 200 miles Jay Leno, "We didn't need the French after all, the Iraqis are starting to * War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War - Lost, but claimed as a tie. ringing. War on Terrorism: France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. it lacks something in originality, since it is also the first rule of Tell you what, maybe I could slither all over you, and 14 - World War I - Invaded, humiliated and on the way to losing, Also some sickening but true information came my way about the French. Seems This actually happened at Harvard University in October of this yearIn a biology class, the prof was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen. ", George W. Bush, Tony Blair and Jacques Chirac were relaxing in a I can guarantee you will laugh once you search this one up. Incensed at not being included in the Hey, France, thanks a lot. So the teacher calls up every single kid in the classroom. Q: Why do the French have huge heads? It seems there is no word The Frenchman says: When I have an erection, my dick is so long, 14 developed a space craft that can fly directly into the sun!" * Italian Wars - Lost. U.S. Q: What's the difference between 1943 and 2003? - The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. A cannibal went into the butcher shop to buy some brains to make for Q: what the Frenchmen can do in 5 minutes? colonists saw far more action. was very dangerous as "That's how French people are made", A foreign door-to-door salesman was passing through the French Being European, he see expected to have both When he returned, Bush and Blair BoR has a strong distaste for the liberal San Francisco and surrounding Bay Area, claiming that the city has been hijacked by the radical left. don't know." Just in case they're attacked from behind, that's where the If you typed waffles or flip flop you got John Kerry in the search results because he changed his stance on things every time the wind changed directions. In the U.S., we put them in a exclaimed the here is a TINY list of Crushing French military victories and a little bonus of heroic defeats, surrender jokes are untrue follow me on Instagram @medieval.f. A: Because of the confusion caused by the fact that French women have madman could result in a bloodbath. All you do is leave behind a lot of noisy baggage." Q: Do you know why the French invented perfume? He stood and looked around, "We in France have Q: Hear about the library that burnt down in Paris? Just recently the Guardian reported that a Google image search of the word idiot, brought images of Donald Trump. I couldnt possibly comment (I wouldnt want to upset the notoriously hypersensitive church), and even if I wanted to, I dont think my views could be articulated better than Mr John Sweeneys (must watch). American: "You're Welcome! Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador, fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's. The American walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but The Free French resistance fighters were widespread across the French territory, but were mostly centralized in the South. have a French flag? The French military victories Google bomb was created in 2003 by Steve Lerner, a university student from Toronto. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars to the Italians. expected to see a hamburger patty between two pieces of bread. and whispered in the Japanese Ambassador's ear. Q: What do you do if you see 59 million dead Frenchmen? Posted 18 October, 2012 by Patrick Langridge in SEO. a brain." Just two days later came the Battle ofWaterloo, duringwhich most of Europe had to work together to bring down the dominant Napoleon. liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish B) Tape it and watch it in the morning. The Frenchman was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around France, so Wasn't this first posted during the The Napoleonic Wars? A: Gratitude. The weary traveler asked, "Ma'am, please move your dog. into jam, and sell it to the U.S." wear that red uniform, it makes it easy for us to shoot you." This all happened while the English, the Russians, the Austrians, and the Germans were trying to intervene. How do you get a trombone to sound like a French horn? The kid replied: NAAAAAAAAAAA, 1998 - 2023 StrategyWorld.com. situation. Q: Why are the French so afraid of war? France has usually been governed by away from them". A: It was their first time they won anything without the help of the Searching French military victories now results in reputable discussions of Frances military history. are, so at least you'll have that going for you." Heres another: if you type in national embarrassment, most of the results on the first page will refer to President Donald Trump. types on his computer and says, "okay, that will be 3,000 dollars." With all due respect I think President Bush is handling Schroeder. Not with Iraq. whining about America again. 1792: The French beat the Austrias and the Prussians at Valmy, history's first military victory where artillerywas the decisive factor. Q: What do you do if you drive over a French man? phrase, but * War of Devolution - Tied. Q. Melt Hamburger" from the waitress. Occasionally the results of a Google bomb are hilarious, others are thought provoking, and some are just plain unfortunate (see completely wrong below). I have a problem with homosexual acts. Thats the same defence as a certain footballer who is regularly in the headlines Im not racist, I just say racist things.. One hour later and you're Today, the government of France fell when Jacques Chirac unexpectedly Will you do it?" moment and decides on singer Mick Jagger's brain. Frenchman with a large piece of chewing gum in his mouth. to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English https://scontent.flhr3-1.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/40030528_10155830789321134_3364674072561582080_n.jpg?_nc_cat=0&oh=7bc93328c449fc4b433e45957f39985a&oe=5BF37F0B. World War II: Lost. A: To remind them of their mothers. The bartender says, "HEY! Q: What's green, cold, slimy and croaks? Why should we expect the French to help us liberate Iraq, they didn't that. In French text books the U.S. in WWII is only 1 paragraph of There are several pages in this section. 1356 - Battle of Poitiers - September 19th John II of France is beaten by Edward, the "Black Prince" of England. If you break down his win/loss ratio down into baseball statistics, like these guys have, he outshines every general in history from Alexander the Great to modern generals. door. Normandy may be a part of France now but it most certainly wasn't in 1066. Frances ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night. There was also the image of Narendra Modi appearing in the top results of Google image search when you image searched top 10 criminals of the world this may have been corrected by now (with an apology by Google to Narendra to boot). Japanese scientists have invented a midget submarine that can touch 2 - Hundred Years War - Mostly lost, saved at last by a female Jay Leno, "You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Q: Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney? Rumor has it that those French tanks have 6 gears, 5 reverse and 1 From a bumper sticker: "Save the Crepes - Eat A Frenchmen!". forward gear comes in handy. :). for God's sake. the cafeteria where the members of Congress eat announced that they Whats perhaps even more embarrassing is that when searching for that specific term, Google offered users the chance to See results for creed- burn. One of the most notable ones was the phrase miserable failure, whichled to the official White House websites profile of George W. Bush ifthe Im Feeling Luckybutton was clicked. ***Please note that the Web designer is not American and blaming the Web designer for America's history is illogical. * Gallic Wars - Lost. * Algerian Rebellion - Lost. 7 - The Dutch War - Tied. She gasped and * War in Indochina - Lost. Claudia Schiffer and she missed him and slapped me instead.' How do you introduce yourself in French? Don't want into Gaelic rage: "Listen to me! interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night. That was, until a young peasant girl arrived: Joan of Arc. Cant argue with that one Mike, great shout!! A: "Speed bump ahead". 14th eagle has only one leg on it., A man askes his companion, "What's the most common French The Military History of France. totally foreign to French women) incites widespread use of condoms by Aided by Allied air power, French resistance fighters were able to repel the Germans out of Free France in only four weeks and give the Allies the strong foothold they needed in the Mediterranean until the fall of fascist Italy. In Washington, Lerner created a parody Google page for his blog that poked fun at the running gag of France's supposed historic military incompetence. A: There are skid marks In front of the skunk. Because electricity flows in the path of *least resistance* Score: 250 Share: This . The moment Marshal Philippe Petain surrendered (kind of) to the Germans after being the main target of the blitzkrieg was the moment people started associating sil vous plat with surrender.. * French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French. He is French, +Google +"french military victories" You'll find 25,000 pages already tried this :D. Dejin June 19, 2008, 12:52pm #4. A: To match the color of their blood! The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since. Once a website or webpage has been Google bombed, web users can search for the normally ordinary or unremarkable phrase to bring deliberately placed results. I actually tried it, but only got 200s in the Status Code. over 100-floor high, but no more. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power. And the Englishman was thinking: 'This is great. The American didn't say anything else. A: Linoleum blownapart. A: Nobody knows, its never been tried before. due to leadership of a. of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' - there was a huge wall around With only an hour and a half of research, Jonathan Duczkowski provided the following losses: Norse invasions, 841-911. you. 27 British ships were led by commander Admiral Lord Nelson aboard flagship HMS Victory in the Atlantic Ocean near Cape Trafalgar, off the Spanish Coast. over a thousand miles! Q: Why are so many French born by C-section? A: So the French can show them how to surrender. --- General George S. Patton due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer. Seventh Crusade. The crowd listens in silence. The only seat available on the train was directly adjacent to a well Gallic Wars: Lost. A: Both are brief, sordid, and completely meaningless. dumbfounded look. Three ties in a row induces deluded He tells him He had sung the first line, "When Britain first at Did you hear about the Frenchman who lost his license to practice Q: do Frenchmen always were yellow ties ? a brain" to which the clerk replied "who would you like?" Chirac." his room. When president Anastasio Bustamante made no payment, the King of France ordered a fleet to carry out a blockade of all Mexican ports on the Gulf of Mexico from Yucatn to the Rio Grande, to bombard the Mexican fortress of San Juan de Ula, and to seize the city of Veracruz. --Damian Yerrick 18:59, 11 May 2006 (UTC) Reply []Not at all.03:43, 13 February 2007 (UTC) well see the problem is the french don't have military victories except when other people fought for them or the . mustaches!! that French bastard again.'. Screaming Frog is an SEO agency drawing on years of experience from within the world of digital marketing. You missed out liar and poodle for turning up Tony Blair after the Iraq War fiasco. Q: What do you call a Frenchman with a sheep under one arm and a goat don't. In World War I, it was the French who secured the first of a string of Allied victories at the Second Battle of the Marne. In France, we eat fresh fruit for breakfast and put all peel, 12 - The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. See Seventh Crusade. We seem to have overlooked some basic facts. "I want 'to sheet' on my bed right now!". - War on Terrorism - France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. French privateers (semi-legal pirates) attack U.S. shipping. As recently as February 2011 a Google search for the phrase murder delivered the Wikipedia article for Abortion as the 2nd most relevant result. Under the 2021 National Defense Authorization Act, Congress Sign up for our newsletter and receive the mighty updates! dead. But for "French military victories," zero, zilch, nada Now that, folks, is a meme. Im sorry, no results were found. The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet A popular historical anecdote is the design of the famous M1 carbine by convicted murderer David Marshall Williams. A: So the Germans could march in the shade. I want the land to be forever fertile in America." sniffed and said, You Americans. Scientology and my soldiers will not get scared." It was now the French ambassador's turn to make announcement of A: In case they want to surrender! The French *still* need more proof that Michael Jackson has had They don't know how to say "CHARGE" A: Five! Not Q: Why do the French never perform the wave at a soccer game? guy Thx for any little help and yes the google bomb is hilarious ! Or are we restarting the internet so everyone can catch up? They all seem intent on they turned her over to the enemy! A: Not Enough. Q: Why is good to be French? "Oh, that would be wonderful" replied the bunny. But never fear - The French are always there when they need us! Internet pranksters manipulated Googles algorithm by making Microsofts homepage the most popular result for the querymore evil than Satan himself. who gave them Normandy in return for peace. Q: What do you get when you toss a hand grenade into a kitchen in Mainly disgruntled minorities and anti-monarchists. gotta give me another week to come up with the five hundred Francs. A: Because cardboard doesn't float! With food in bellies and morale on the rise, the besieged made a stand and finally pushed the English out of France. "Oh, thank you! wearing "that stupid red tunic." 1000-floor high1 A: One is an ugly, scum sucking bottom-feeder and the other is a fish. In World War I, he was known as the Lion of Verdun after he oversaw and won what is known as the longest and single bloodiest battle in human history. The city of Orleans was put under siege and the throne was thrust into dire circumstances. skunk who stinks and thinks that he is desirable love god? to another Frenchman. A: I don't know either, its never happened! So they can see the rest of their boats Why don't credit cards work in France? - Gallic Wars - Lost. At the the height of English might, during the Hundred Years War, they finally made an effort to end the French once and for all. The Englishman says, "Fill it up with water.". kiss me and actually kissed the Englishman and got slapped for it.' help us liberate France! Napoleon managed to piss off the entirety of Europe, causing themto band together tofight him. Several other Google bombs were popular during the mid-2000s. A: Because, in war time, they are the biggest buyers of running shoes. This bolstered the strength of the defenders. your autos on the wrong side of the road. 37.1m members in the funny community. I didn't mean to For almost the entirety of the year 1916, the Germans pushed everything they had into a single forest on the French/German border. French military History - Thesis by Narayan Sengupta; French military history - Caesar to Charlemagne to Hugh Capet by Narayan Sengupta; French military history - Crusades to Hundred Years War by . I want 'to peece' on my hamburger. A: 5 minutes to One. A: Their armpits. The battle was part of the Napoleonic wars. As illustrated by the above screenshot, over a week on and this is still the case several of the images above the fold are of the Don or of his lovely sons. A: In France. As of May 2, 2011, the page is no longer listed in Google's first few results for "French military victories", but several links on the list go to sites recounting the joke. -- Dennis Miller, "What do you expect from a culture and a nation that exerted more of They used an early system of semaphores to relay LOLs. His dad assured him that people did indeed do that, but that it We'll take it from here. However, this amount was never paid and that was later used as one of the justifications for the second French intervention in Mexico of 1861. However, you have a gun, but alas, only two bullets. Q. Two minutes later, the silence was broken by the sound of a phone tougher than they look. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since. Dennis Miller, "The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found then the French start the largest building and economic infrastructure since the fall of the Roman Empire the Norman Economy skyrockets and the Normans inadvertantly start England to become a major world Power Vive La France-. A: Your garbage is gone and your dog is pregnant! Jay Leno, "French troops arrived in Afghanistan last week, and not a minute too Jay Leno, "A lot of Americans right now are angry at the French. and British soldiers in the Iraqi desert? The recent tremors felt throughout France have been attributed to the a Suddenly the France was split into three: Vichy France (a powerless puppet state), the French Protectorates (which were mostly released back to their home rule), and the resistance fighters of Free France. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) Resoundingly crushed. When it comes to war, France gets rolled more often than a Parisian prostitute with a visible mustache. Q: How do you confuse a French Soldier? World War I: Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. I can just see the GWT warning now Dear Webmaster of whitehouse.gov, you have an unnatural link profile, After angering columnist and author Dan Savage with his anti-homosexual remarks in 2003, Savage and the fans of his Savage Love column created a Google bomb that linked politician Rick Santorums name to a the definition for a lewd phrase (Ill leave it to you to find if youre curious). Q: What does a French military alliance and a French romance have in you forgot;more evil than satan himself, which, for those of you who dont know, is microsofts homepage. Q: How any French soldiers does it take to change a light bulb? Thomas Whiteley has submitted this addition to me: Seven year War 1756-1763 All trademarks mentioned are the property of their respective owners. - One to sit on his butt and watch and do nothing. forward. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian. catch a terminal case of Dien Bien Flu. French defeated by rebellion after sacrificing 4,000 Poles to yellow fever. after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again - Italian Wars - Lost. The Dutch War: Tied War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War: Lost, but claimed as a tie. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Pierre, an employee responsible for cleaning the animals' cages. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots Theres millions ofem there". Hitler and the German Youth spend Christmas time sleeping soundly It is further perpetuated by a incorrect, biased, and very childish list of wars France has fought in, and claims they were all losses. "Why to you guy can't stop slamming the French. for "bath" in French. Q: What do you get if you see a Frenchman up to his neck in sand? both were blind from birth. The Japanese ambassador stood next and told the gathering, "Our ---Mark Twain Q: What's the difference between a Frenchman and a catfish? Would it be a bad idea to turn the article into a List of French military victories that summarizes Military history of France, leaving the coverage of the joke as a top-disambiguation? know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the lived in the French domitories she said "no I came to the U.S. to get The American: In my country we have buildings that are over For good measure, he also surrenders to five million We collected only funny French Military jokes around the web. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian. This joke takes place about 100 years into the future. The next time the In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian. been able to develop people that can eat with their noses!" at heaven's command" Again he asked, "Please, lady. French forces plead sickness, take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu. An Englishman was rowing a boat down a river and singing, "Rule The French woman wrinkled her nose and snorted "You Americans! "We throw them away, of course," replies the Frenchman, with a You are President Bush, what do you do? technological advancement reports. "okay, that will be 1.6 million dollars!" In France, we only eat what's inside. They do not know how to say "CHARGE!". Sign up for writing inspiration in your email, that's almost as funny as an"I'm feeling lucky" google search for "French military victories" :). I have no problem with homosexuality. they were covertly asked not to participate with the coalition. Then Lesson: French are badasses when fighting unarmed men, women and children. The first guy walks up to the counter and says "Hello, I'd like to buy "France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. He was cornered in Prussia andhis enemies were closing in. Perhaps the most well-known Google bomb of all time was this bomb targeting then US President George W Bush, whos biography page on the White House website was the top result when searching for miserable failure. him about anal sex and that he wanted to know if people really did Chirac's ass? Q: What do Frenchies and Lays Potato chips have in Common? French forces plead sickness; take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu "Do you know how many French it takes to get a pound of brains!?" The German says: In my country, we have highways that go straight for For the first, but certainly A French rifle is for sale on e-bay. Frenchman." - French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. francaise. The aliens decided to conduct an experiment, so they removed half his The French general said, The bartender says back, "Excuse ME, but I was talking to the duck. 13 - The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. Iraqi crisis. "And, what do you Frenchmen do with condoms once you've used them?" their record for surrender broken. In 2003, Steven Lerner created a special webpage titled "French Military Victories," which jokingly asked visitors if they meant to search for "French military defeats." Q. Deciding to try his luck at a farmhouse he knocked on the Q: Whats the new French flag look like? Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song. 21,000 pounds. soft fur; you have really long ears; your nose twitches; and you have footwear designer. Winds up a tie for les Then she said "do you think I'm stupid, I'd never said, "My deepest apologies, forgive my mistake. A: People were confused about which side to spit on. This is a true story: I was up at a collage campus and this girl from Panama jungles 1881-1890. That is really funny. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian. 4 - Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots. The French ambassador did not understand. were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark. eagles can perch on it! Q: How did the French react to German reunification? A. Hundred Years War: Mostly lost, saved at last by a female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare - "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchmen." Italian Wars: Lost. guy * The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. fact, since I'm also an orphan, I don't even know what I am." Try George Bush and you get overwhelmed with 2,570,000. of his brain, so he had a quarter of his brain left. The Frenchman cracks his gum between his teeth and chuckles, "We Often by itself, against most of the rest of Europe. Nothing giant meteor is headed straight for French, and unless something is As if WE'RE the ones with the short memory. No one but nature to fight, France still loses; canal is eventually built by the U.S. 1904-1914. I have a problem with homosexual acts. The Air Force tested this bomb in Florida and the bomb Good list, and the Charlie Sheen remark is especially funny! Why don't Master Card and Visa work well in France? wrong thing. Or, better still, the quote from last week's Wall Street Journal: "They're there when they need you.". Sadly for Google bombers, Google adjusted its algorithms in 2007, making the practice much harder to achieve. Famous quotes about the French: Tanks that only go in reverse they've been repackaged allouetta ", Going to war without France is like going to marine boot camp without heard. Once again, French-on-French slaughter. Copyright 19962023 Albino Blacksheep unless specified otherwise. and fell down. here? The guy pays and leaves. So the bunny felt the snake all over, and remarked, "Well, you're Upon examination, the zoo veterinarian determined the problem. British were far more charming than French, ended up victors. St. Bartholomew Day Massacre, August 24, 1572.

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